Behaviour vs. Heart

Have you ever corrected your child’s behaviour one day,  and then experienced that same child doing the same disobedient act the next day?

How frustrating!

What went wrong?

We’ve all been there, thinking  “things will change now, that discipline was huge!”.  Only to find out that nothing has changed, and you’re back to disciplining him/her once again.

On more than several occasions, I realize that I have attempted to correct my children’s behaviour, rather helping them deal with their heart.

After my first child was born almost eight years ago, I have always known the importance of correcting wrong behavior or disobedience. I knew this importance through reading God’s word, and also many amazing parenting books

But it was only up until this year, that I realized something that is even more important, and even more essential than just correcting our children’s behaviour.

As parents, are we only correcting their behaviour,  or……… are we helping our children change their heart?.


I recently just finished reading a few more amazing books on our vacation. I had time to soak all the great information in.

The one book that truly resonated with me was ‘Shepherding a child’s heart’. It was the book that focused on our child’s heart condition, and the by-product in their behaviour  that came from it.


As a mom, I actually had a change of heart.

Parenting our kids with the  intention of getting down to their heart conditions, rather than just changing their outward behaviour.

An example of this would be raising our kids with manners and politeness. It’s a wonderful thing!  But, we want the children to get it in their hearts that not only are manners ‘nice’, but they are actually an expression of loving others as ourselves. Showing a biblical love, not just good, outward, social behaviour.


Helping our children deal with anger and conflict. Rather than just telling the kids to stop fighting and share, getting down to the root issue which may be anger or selfishness. Taking time to talk with that child about how he/she feels and explaining how God looks at anger or quarreling, will help that child change his/her behaviour because their heart will change, not because ‘mommy and daddy said so’.

So, I am trying to do this constantly with my children. Bringing the word of God and His standard into every situation, good or bad, in order to show them what’s going on in their hearts.


I am challenged in this area, and I want to challenge you too.

Next time there is an issue in your child’s behaviour,  take time to talk with them, hear them out and gently explain God’s word to them. Allow the Holy Spirit to work on their heart.

Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it. Prov 4:23

1 thought on “Behaviour vs. Heart

  1. Thank you for this post. I am a SAHM and home school Mom myself and I was looking on google for a few posts that I needed to remind myself that I am only human and that’s when I came across your blog. I look forward to reading more from you. Each and every single day is a challenge for me to be a better Mom and Woman of Faith and show my Daughter how God wants us to be and act. 🙂

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